This is the conversation I wish, I hope, I hopefully rope myself into having with my father.
Me: Hey daddy, you know thinking about things for a long while I’ve always wondered why I intentionally pick the most trivial fights with you.
Dad: Hey champ maybe it’s cause you don’t think things through?
Me: No that’s not it, the fact is I hate you, or at least I hate what my insecurities tell me to see because you and me are like two identical-looking peas in the pod that is our family tree. So daddy, this really isn’t your fault it’s just that every time I look at you I just get reminded of me and everything I’ve ever failed to be.
Daddy: *pauses for a moment* Okay what do you feel you like?
Me: Well I mean look at you, you’re fat like me yet you’re funny and every room you enter gets lit up with laughter while when I’m with my friends I instantly bring up my numerous woes causing a social disaster and in the process, the vibe gets dimmer.
Dad: But-
Me: No, let me finish, you see I watch you move your legs although slightly bowlegged I notice the groove and bop, basically the all-round rhythm in your walk and the moments when I’m alone with my thoughts I’m left perplexed because although I take up a lot of space it’s like I’m a tiny mouse trapped in a cage with the wolves and the dogs so I hunch my back and sulk. I see the hurt on your aged face whenever I try to tear you down with my venomous words and I wonder how in a few minutes you can look at me with a smile after I pretend to feel sorry just so I can get something from you while I, on the other hand, gets torn down constantly by supposed friends but instead of voicing my feelings out I take the passive route and make molehills out of mountains leaving me feeling worse than bad. I flinch when you let out your thunderous roar for the minutest of things and in a twisted way I wonder why I can never be that bold with my peers when I feel slighted but then just slightly I do away with that thought and take all the rage out on you. But…..with all that being said I love you and want you to win and gather all the wealth and maybe if I truly feel that way I’ll learn to love myself.
Daddy: I love you too, son.
